“Love!! You complete me!!!!”
Let’s be honest, have you ever said this or thought this about someone? If you didn’t maybe you watched a romantic movie and thought for a moment, “That person would so do it for me!” Or maybe you were like me, some crazy romantic nine-year-old that fell in love with Jane Seymour in the movie Somewhere in Time. (Yeah, I was a sappy and romantic kid….)
Regardless of your experience, anyone who has been in a relationship, has experienced, the healthy relationship, the unhealthy relationship, and the “dream” relationship. And the big question is, why does one relationship that starts off so well, end so poorly??
The “I NEED YOU” issue.
Carl Jung says we marry our unconscious mind (or sub conscious) and then project our unresolved material onto our partner. Bruce Lipton in the book The Honeymoon Effect, talks about how most relationships start off with a place of imbalance, and we seek another to balance us.
Both of these concepts are important, because truly, we all (yes including me) have been in a place of needing some balance. And, we unconsciously (based on Jung) and energetically (based on Huna and Lipton) seek out someone to bring us balance.
You are emotionally weak, so you find someone strong. You are physically needy, so you find someone that fills the need. What ever it is, we seek out the partner that will make us feel whole.
And this is where the story can get crazy. You see, if you are reading my blog, you most likely have done some form of personal growth work. Meaning, you are consciously attempting to correct a personal imbalance. Or to put it another way, you have been working on becoming more empowered; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. This very act begins to bring balance to your life (or harmony as I prefer to say).
“This is good,” you might say to me. And I agree! Of course it is good to empower and improve one’s self. And, what about your relationship? Well, herein lies the problem.
You see, if your relationship was built out of a need to bring you balance or to correct a deficiency, and you go off and do some personally growth training that “fixes” you, then what happens next? You guessed it… The relationship becomes irrelevant or the relationship transforms.
I don’t get caught up in holding out for one outcome or another, and I remember my father once teaching to a group, when a student asked a direct question about the purpose of a relationship ending. And he said something to the effect of, “Every relationship serves a purpose.” Once that purpose is served, either the energy ends, or it starts something new. Either way, you have learned a lesson and you have empowered.
This is where the key is.
When I teach my trainings, I talk about letting go of the baggage from a past relationship in order to become free of the patterns. The main purpose of the release is so that you don’t repeat your problems again with a new person.
I will sometimes say how many of you have ever done the following: you get out of one relationship and you make a comment, “I will never let someone treat me like that again.” And then you hop in the very next relationship only to repeat exactly what you had just experienced.
Maybe it wasn’t you, maybe it was someone that you knew. For example, your friend gets together with the very same person he just broke up with. Only the new person just has a different name.
We have all done that or we’ve known someone that’s done that.
So at this point, if you are in a relationship and correcting imbalances, you want to do this together. This will help the two individuals grow together. I once said, if you’re not growing together you’re growing apart. I don’t want to sound fatalistic, and I have seen so many couples grow apart by not dealing with their own personal issues. Or one person in the relationship dealing with their issues and the other one doesn’t. The need for the person to complete you no longer exists and you as an individual are empowered.
What if you are the individual who’s not in a relationship? Then my suggestion would be to work on you. Work on the issues that you would face if you were in a relationship.
Either way you are working on yourself.
Going back to Bruce Lipton’s book, he spends the last chapter talking about an empowered relationship (my term). He discusses that there are instances where a balanced individual can come together with another balanced individual, and within that connection, both people would be self-sufficient on their own contributing to a relationship that gives off more energy that each individual can do alone.
From a Huna perspective this is a true spiritual relationship. When two individuals who are conscious, self aware and empowered come together, you have a union that is talked about in fairy tales.
These two spiritual beings have the ability to grow and evolve together and their connection increases the overall output of energy and empowerment. The connection would first come from the spiritual, where the energy would be able to flow down into all aspects of the path. In this ideal relationship, both individuals would think about the same things, but think about them in different ways. Thus stimulating mental energy. Emotionally, they would be a calmness and centeredness with a sweet loving feeling of joy and happiness. And finally on the physical there would be no boundaries between these two individuals, because they would see each other not as perfect people, but rather perfect for each other on the path of life.
You might be reading this asking does this even exist? Apparently it does, and the question is do you want to do the work on yourself to allow this to happen? We always attract the very person we want and need. If you are empowered, then your partner must be too.
Until next time.
Mahalo,
Dr. Matt
